Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
