You just made me feel so damn special
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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