How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize