last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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