Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
