Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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