She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
