i will never coherently bang her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
