Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize