I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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