4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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