One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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