I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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