OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
