she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I love you.
Bad choice
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