Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize