When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
