She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
