matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
