Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
