The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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