I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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