Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
