I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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