The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
