I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
