we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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