I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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