They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
