With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
