I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
