well I can't set my house on fire every night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
my poor anus
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
