i love accidental penises.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize