The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize