Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
