someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
