How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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