get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Alive.
So much puke
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
