you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
