Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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