Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
