Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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