the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
