Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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