I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
