ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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