He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
