I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
