yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
