addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize