Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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