I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
