So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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