I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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