so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
