from now on my penis is your penis
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
