Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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