yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
