xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
