I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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