So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
