is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
