So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
