The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
