He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
