Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
