my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
