also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
