guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
