He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
