You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Barsexuality is the new black.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize