so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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