"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
