battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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