i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
