i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
