Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Even the bartender felt bad for me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
