Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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