She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
