i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
