im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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