I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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