I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
