I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize