i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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